Monday, 22 February 2016

So... I quit my job

This post is possibly one of the hardest posts that I have ever written for my blog but nonetheless I feel as though I should be honest and share it with you regardless. I feel as though out of all my previous posts, this one may be open to criticism and a few digs but I suppose that's how it goes.
Photo Credit: Pinterest

So, if you have read this post you will know that very recently I started a new job. As you will know, if you read my little paragraph about this, I was very happy and excited that I had been chosen from a large number of candidates and that I was getting an opportunity to get back into a career I was trained in. I won't tell you where the job was or what the business is called (obviously) but I will just say it was a Reception job in a school. I am actually trained in Business/Admin/Reception and have worked in this field since 2013 but I have never worked in a school.

Long story short - after only a short time, I was already crying everyday before I set off to work and I spent all evening worrying about the next day. This past week we just had 'half-term' and I spent the whole time either worrying about going back or thinking about what I could do to get out of it. That's why when I was supposed to go back to work today - I called and I quit.

Now I know lot's of people may say that I didn't give it enough chance, that no one enjoys their job or that I'm stupid and I should have just stuck to it. However, I have spent the last 6 or more years trying to build myself back up - to rid myself of anxiety (and occasional depression) and to be happy again. I've battled with everything from my eating to my overall general mental health and I know that to risk putting myself back in that position would be a waste of my time and potentially quite dangerous. Yes, some may say there may have been a potential for me to find my feet, to love the job in fact. However, I know myself and in my state of mind I just know it wasn't for me.

On my 21st Birthday a man who's very important in my life and who has helped me to where I am today told me that 'all that matters in life is if you're happy', he kept saying to me 'as long as you're happy that's all that matters'. To me, this set off alarm bells. I wasn't going to be happy in this job no matter how long I stayed and tried to force myself to love it. Why would it make sense to spend 5/7 days every single week being miserable and then possible my 2 days off feeling the same when I have the option to leave? Life is short. Why waste it?

Thankfully, although not ideal, I am in a situation right now where I can live of my savings for around 6 months if needs be. At this point I'm scared and a little embarrassed - and I probably wouldn't advise it for anyone but on the other hand I'm relieved and I know that at least for this moment, it was the right decision.

Here's to new adventures?




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