Kallum's Corner - Never Have I Ever

Saturday, November 4, 2017

Hey Guys, I have been thinking lately and I have just realised how much I haven't done in my life so far. I then got the title for this post from the very popular drinking game 'Never Have I Ever' so really, I just thought I would tell you some things I have never done but would love to.

Punch a Shark in the Nose

Now I know this is an odd one but its a hell of a conversation starter isn't it? "Hey mate remember that time I punched a shark in the nose?". I mean anyone who can say that should just be knighted now and given early retirement - they have done their work for society.

Sky Dived

For this one, I know I said these are things I would like to do, and this is a very generic activity for peoples bucket list, but I just want to make this one very clear. I would rather defecate in my hands and hold it till Christ himself rises again than jump out of a very questionable air craft at 10,000 feet with nothing but a glorified carrier bag to slow my decent. So unfortunately, this is more a - 'Never Have I Ever' alongside a 'Never Will I Ever'.

Have A Superpower

Right, this one you would be lying to yourself if you say you have never sat and thought about what power you would have, and more to the point what you would do with it. Now I know this is meant to be Never Have I Ever, and I know this is an impossible request, but just think about the next time that an inconsiderate-overcompensating for something-little man at the traffic lights, that slams on in front of you or cuts you up at a junction and how you could send his car to a place that only the mars rover has managed to see before.

Been on a Nudest Beach

So, right about now your thinking 'what on earth am I reading?' but lets face it, in our imaginations nudist beaches are the dream. You walk on like a proud lion, puffing you chest and for a moment, forgetting how small your man hood actually is. Then, reality sets in, it's a bit cold that day and you're not, shall we say showing the best you. The next stage of the nudist experience arises, you become aware very quickly that you are surrounded by some of the oldest, most wrinkly bodies that have ever been dragged out of Britain itself. After roughly 2 minutes, you cannot bare it any more and you do the walk of shame towards the clothed part of the beach, while trying to discreetly get your shorts back on and not make eye contact with local cuisine.

Ran A Marathon

My final one is actually the closest-to-reality, most accomplish-able goal..... or is it? Don't get me wrong, I would love to be one of those 'I just ran 20 miles before breakfast' kind of people but I have to be honest with myself, I don't have a lot of spare time and the time I do have is spent making the large dent, where my back side resides on the sofa, that bit bigger. I'm one of those every month 'I'm gonna get fit, I'm gonna run' and instead I just get fat and I sweat just thinking about running.

So, these are 5 of my 'Never Have I Ever's and I am aware they're quite out of the ordinary but all the normal stuff has been done.

If you have enjoyed this and want to tell me some of your best 'Never Have I Ever's tweet me and let me know - @kallumrp

Disclaimer: This blog post is in no way sponsored and all opinions are that of my fiance Kallum's. This post is for comical value only.


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