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Tuesday, 23 July 2019

Kallums Corner - 5 Signs You Have Been Domesticated

Back again with another Kallum's Corner as it appears I have nothing better to do with my time at the moment. This post I shall be going through some things that change as you get further into a relationship. Where gradually as time goes on, you end up a good, obedient counter part.



Pots

When a male inhabits a house on their own, they have no preference to whether you can actually see the work top or if they have to wash up a plate to be able to eat something that has not come from the microwave or a takeaway. But...then the female enters with their head held high and a ridiculous sense of house pride, causing the male slowly (and without realising) to do his pots when he is finished. Then, the fear of another lecture about not wanting to live in a pig sty causes the male to even start to pre soak as to not irritate the superior half further.

The Wash Basket

One can not simply place his clothes on the floor to worry about another time. No, that is not an option. If they can't be worn again and are for the wash then they should be located in the wash basket. The female will not settle for:
  • on top of the wash basket
  • next to the wash basket
  • under the wash basket 
  • in a pile in the corner of the room
  • hidden under the bed
  • stuffed down the back of the sofa 
Any of the above will cause the highly strung counter-part to erupt, screaming "how hard is it to put stuff in the wash basket?!". This will be repeated until you respond with "I'm sorry it wont happen again" and a peace offering is presented.

Shoes

Shoes are purely an external object to be worn to protect the feet, inside they are the cause of many violent outbreaks that could potentially lead to murder of the male. They have been given one singular location in the house and if they are not there - they best be on your feet (with you stood outside) or you best have very good hiding place because you are not going to make it.

The Making of the Bed

When leaving the pit of which you have festered in all night, apparently it is not appropriate to leave it where it lays. I was unaware to the tour that took place through our bedroom causing hundreds, if not thousands, to see our bed on a daily basis - meaning the bed must be made to most professional standard as not to upset the visitors and cause shame on our family. Just make the bed it gives you less of a headache.

Misplacing Rubbish

So, you've just finished that share bag of Doritos, you're heading towards the kitchen to start the second one, the bin's in the corner - plenty of room for said finished bag. What do you do? You place it on the worktop amongst the sea of pots as to blend in. Make it a problem for later and not now. That's how it used to be, now you wouldn't dream of it as the thought of her finding the packet or wrapper you left on the side gives you chills, paranoia sets in, you start binning stuff before you have even eaten it - out of fear of forgetting to put that tiny argument starter in the bin.

That's my 5 things that have domesticated me anyway. As you can see, fear is a great motivator. Hope you have enjoyed the read.

Disclaimer: This blog post is in no way sponsored and all opinions are that of my fiancé, Kallum's. This post is for comical value only.

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